OK, so it’s not really a shed. But it is in Bernal Heights, a quaint foodie mecca popular with Vuori moms and Little League dads, with suburban nuclear family vibes — coyotes included. And it could be yours for $799,000.
Sure, the floors are peeling, and the backyard is a mess of weeds. The 125-year-old aluminum-sided shoebox at 167 Coleridge St. gives shipping-container vibes, which should have a resurgence in cool when Burning Man comes around. And while nearly every surface inside the 875-square-foot house is covered in grime and reeks of grandma’s closet, its puke-green appliances appear to be in working order — even the stove, which apparently hasn’t had a good scrub in decades.
It’s got a garage, at least, but half of it looks a tad structurally unsound. The two-bedroom comes with a vintage rotary phone and, of course, a free fire extinguisher. You never know what’ll happen in a home that looks like a horror movie set.
The listing doesn’t suggest the home is move-in ready, albeit in the sunny parlance of real estate ads, it is “brimming with opportunity” and “untapped potential.”
“It’s what I’d call a contractor’s special,” listing agent Justin Hedemark said.
No shit.
Hedemark said he imagines whoever buys it will do a full remodel and two-story addition to make it into a four-bedroom home. According to a development analysis from CityStructure, a company that creates improvement feasibility studies for homebuyers, adding two stories would cost $758,815, at a cost of $463 per square foot. Surely, if you’re able to afford an $800,000 house, you have another half-mill lying around to spend on renovations, right?
But while the house is tiny, it’s on a 1,751 square-foot lot and just two blocks from a Safeway and other shops and restaurants on Mission Street. And just wait til you see the views: From the front door, the top of Twin Peaks and Sutro Tower are somewhat visible beyond a 49-unit, three-story apartment complex at 3333 Mission St.
Hedemark said he’s had a lot of interest in the house, with 15 brokers visiting last week on behalf of investors seeking to flip it, and a teacher couple who live in the Mission showing strong interest.
He estimates it will sell in three or four weeks, likely for around the asking price, as similar homes in the neighborhood have done recently. There is an open house from 2 to 4 p.m. on Sunday.
The house is being sold by a woman who inherited the place from her great-uncle in January. She lives in Virginia and doesn’t want to pay to fix it up for rent, Hedemark said. ($800,000 probably gets you a solid spread in most of Old Dominion.)
Buddy Choy, who has lived two doors down from the home since 1978, called the asking price “a bargain.”
“It’s a great neighborhood, but the house is tiny,” Choy said. “You’d have to tear it down.”
Whoever buys the home will have to contend with plans to add another 70 units in a four-story addition to the 3333 Mission complex, which residents have complained will block their views of Twin Peaks even more.
Still, developer Bernal Heights Neighborhood Center said in an email Friday that the impacts on views will be minimal.
If the rustic floors and holey walls don’t scare you off, why should a blocked view be a dealbreaker?