Raw beef chunks were flying. My boys, ages 9 and 5, were chanting, “Kill the pig, kill the pig!” Things had escalated quickly. I tried to interrupt — to say that, actually, it was a cow. But then I asked myself, was that really the problem here?
We were making cheeseburgers from the new cookbook by chef David Nayfeld of SF’s lauded Italian restaurant Che Fico. “Dad, What’s for Dinner?” is a guide to cooking for (and sometimes with) kids, written from the point of view of a father — a father who has been up for a James Beard Award, admittedly, and who had Gwyneth Paltrow write the introduction. Nayfeld wrote the book after going through a difficult separation from his daughter’s mother. He connected with his child through food. He would bring homemade soup during their visits in the park, both to take care of her and to delight her. And to comfort himself.
The third step in the recipe says to “Throw each burger onto the cutting board with force. Repeat until the meat becomes tacky.” As my husband read that part aloud, the boys’ eyes lit up demonically. “Building a burger is both fun and an opportunity for your child to build their own sense of self (and discover the principles of structural engineering),” Nayfeld writes. My children went more “Lord of the Flies.”
I used to love to cook. Then I had kids. I adore them, obviously, except at meal time, when the main emotion they provoke in me is rage. They’re somehow both mercurial and stubborn in their tastes. But challenged by The Standard’s food editors to test Nayfeld’s cookbook on my kids, my husband and I were trying our best.
Cooking for children is maddening, which Nayfeld understands. The book is divided into helpful categories like “Meltdown Meals,” which can be made in less than 30 minutes, and “Project Cooking,” elaborate dishes he imagines (or maybe fantasizes) parents will make with their children on the weekends, like homemade spinach-and-cheese ravioli, which requires a pasta maker, a “rondeau” (a thing I’d never heard of but turns out I own), and a piping bag. In addition to timing, each recipe gets an estimated “mess” rating. (The burgers were accurately estimated to be 3 out of 4 on the mess scale.) It’s very useful.
Even though I once wept at the dinner table after both my kids refused to take a single bite of the mussels they had begged me to make for dinner (“No one should eat snot,” my oldest said), I wanted to believe in this cookbook. So we asked the picky boys to thumb through and choose some recipes we could make together. They picked the cheeseburgers (which they loved – A+ from both), lemon pasta, and pancakes. I added in tangy collard greens with lemon and chile flakes, creamy corn and green beans, and tomato and bread salad. Then I asked the kids for their honest opinions. Which made me glad small children do not have access to Amazon reviews or Yelp.
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Stressed-Out Weekday Pancakes
We didn’t have the Bob’s Red Mill Pancake and Waffle Mix the recipe calls for, but Paltrow in her forward had written that the most important part of cooking is being “within the framework of the kind of love that reminds you what life is all about” so I lovingly forgave myself and forged ahead with what we had. The pancakes call for smashing up a banana, a task the 5-year-old greatly enjoyed.
Kids’ review: A+
Parents’ review: A+
9-year-old: “Better than the ones you microwave.”
5-year-old: “Needs more syrup.”
Plates: Clean.
Spaghetti al Limone
Nayfeld’s lemon pasta is a more involved version of a classic I make a lot, so I felt sure the boys were going to like it. It calls for quite a bit more zest than I normally use, and more butter, which you are not supposed to brown, but I accidentally did.
Kids’ review: B-
Parents’ review: B+
9-year-old: “It’s like sour meets evil sour.”
5-year-old: “I like my food weird, but not this weird!”
Plates: Half-eaten.
Tangy Collard Greens With Lemon and Chile Flakes
As I was cooking this spicy Brazilian take on collards, the 9-year-old yelled, “The whole house smells like farts!” (It did not.) While my husband and I loved it, the kids flat-out refused to take a bite, offering to pay us all their life savings to not have to try it. They brought us their piggy banks filled with Tooth Fairy money. “We’ll do anything!” “Will you eat spinach?” “Anything but that!!!!” They were disqualified from reviewing.
Kids’ review: n/a
Parents’ review: A
9-year-old: “It’s not fair to make us eat that. You’re the journalist!”
5-year-old: “If my brother won’t eat it, I can’t either.”
Plates: Adults’ cleaned, kids’ untouched.
Tomato and Bread Salad
The moment they heard the word “bread,” my kids were in. Nayfeld suggests that if you don’t have good tomatoes on hand, you can use roasted squash. We had both, so we used both. Like Nayfeld’s daughter, who “will eat bread for days but salad only barely,” the kids ate all the sourdough first and zero tomatoes but were cajoled into chomping some of the squash and cucumbers.
Kids’ review: B+
Parents’ review: A
9-year-old: “These are the best croutons.”
5-year-old: “I liked it because I got the bread and you got all the tomatoes.”
Salad bowl: Empty
Creamy Corn and Green Beans
Nayfeld, whose daughter is under 5, imagines there are parents out there who may have resigned themselves to the notion that their kids don’t eat vegetables. That basically describes me and my husband, but with the slight tweak that we have accepted that our kids won’t eat vegetables voluntarily. So we require them to. Usually that’s carrot sticks or red pepper slices.
They love corn, though. Nayfeld notes that this dish is a kid pleaser because it’s sweet and tangy. My kids had fun helping to chop up the green beans and mix everything together, but when it came time to eat, they picked out the corn and didn’t touch anything green.
Kids’ review: C
Parents’ review: A
9-year-old: “Too much sauce”
5-year-old: “It’s yummy, but next time do it normal.”
Plates: Half-eaten.
