The bar was packed. The drinks were cold. The DJ was loud enough to make people shout, “I SAID, HOW’S YOUR NIGHT GOING?” over the beat. It could have been any night of the week, but it wasn’t. It was Thursday.
Thursday, a dating app that launched in San Francisco in July, functions only one day a week — on Thursdays, naturally — with all matches disappearing at midnight, a feature designed to compel singles to actually meet up, rather than DMing the phrase “hey” into eternity. The company also hosts dating events, with the same basic premise: Block off Thursday night. Leave your house. Find somebody to love.
Last Thursday night, around 250 motivated singles descended into Persona, a basement bar near Union Square, for an event hosted by the app. Sipping cocktails flavored with beet, matcha, and fungi, attendees swarmed the candlelit room, pairing off to talk at small tables or taking solo laps around the space, making strategic eye contact.
“I’ve been approached much more here than I have at any other bar or club or anything like that,” said Josie, 25, who had returned for a second dating mixer hosted by the Thursday app. The event felt like “having multiple first dates in one night,” she said.
San Francisco has seen a resurgence of analog dating, with a proliferation of speed-dating events, group setups, and the odd personal ad on a telephone pole. Thursday’s events argue for an even simpler approach. As Desmond, a 34-year-old attendee, described it: “Pick a cool spot, have a bunch of single people around, and just sort of let them go.”
The app offers the tantalizing idea that finding people to date needn’t require a daily grind, but rather a single, sparkling night.
Though the event at Persona didn’t cater to any age group or orientation, every dater who spoke to The Standard was in their 20s or 30s, and described looking for a heterosexual connection.
“I was expecting everyone to be a software engineer, but I feel like people were actually diverse,” said one dater as he circled the room.
“It feels like a dating app, but in real life,” said 30-year-old Anne, gazing out at the vast sea of singles.
But even an IRL gathering comes with downsides. The obvious ingredients for a successful dating event — a large number of eager people and no screen distractions — were the same things that some attendees actively disliked.
Given just a single night to connect, each interaction was “kind of scary,” Anne said. “When we were standing at the bar we kind of felt like targets. If the other person wants to talk to you, they’re going to talk to you. I know it’s the goal of the evening, but at the same time it’s really stressful.”
Classic dating app issues also carried over. A live-action ghosting occurred: One man abandoned his conversation partner mid-sentence to dash across the room, intercept a woman nearing the exit, and ask for her contact information.
“There’s an awkward tension in the air because everyone knows what people are here to do,” said Cyrus, 25.
Leslie Wan, Thursday’s San Francisco event coordinator, says the company plans to expand its local offerings to more intimate events. A Thursday night wine tasting for over-35s is upcoming, and Wan’s hoping to plan singles yoga.
As some couples started to paired off at tables, others reported frustration, nonetheless continuing to pace back and forth across the bar.
The most striking commonality among attendees was not their shared hatred of dating apps but the way many of them answered the question, “What are you looking for?”
“A long-term relationship,” said Josie.
“I’m looking for a serious relationship,” said Desmond.
“I was sick recently, and I had to, like, crawl out of bed to get a glass of water,” said Betsy, 30, who is looking for a long-term, monogamous relationship. “And there’s nothing like feeling sick to recognize how lonely you are.”
Loneliness, though, was not the prevailing feeling at Persona. The crucible of one urgent night did have people planning to spend time together, many of them as friends.
Two men exchanged details and agreed to go clubbing together. In the bathroom, four women went around in a circle sharing their astrological signs, chatting happily even though each stall was unoccupied.
Another pair of men made plans to play pickleball. They exchanged details and agreed to get together — maybe, even, on a Friday.