Mmm, scandal: How to dine like a shameless SF politician

I’m in a Michelin-starred restaurant, contemplating an absurdly expensive glass of water, when I realize this may be the closest I’ll ever get to feeling like a candidate for San Francisco mayor.

The Progress on Fillmore Street is a swanky spot. It’s the place to drop $17 on a gin and smoked-chile vinegar cocktail called a “Low Tide” that our photographer sips while I order an old-fashioned with bourbon.

This is where former Supervisor Mark Farrell, who came in fourth in November’s mayoral election and is the recent subject of the largest-ever ethics penalty in the city’s history, spent $1,511 from a pool of leftover money from his 2016 race for a seat on the local Democratic Party committee. Farrell, who denied wrongdoing when the pricey dining excursion came to light in July, was with a group of constituents he didn’t disclose. 

They sure went home happy: Farrell ordered multiple bottles of champagne and wine, tasting menus, cappuccinos, and one sparkling water.

I probably won’t be a reporter any longer if I order like Farrell did, but I have to try this delicious sparkling water. The $8 bottle of Lauretana is described as “on the top step of the European podium as far as lightness is concerned.”

It’s my second stop on The Standard’s tour of scandalous restaurants, on which I have the pleasure of visiting foodie joints that have provided the settings for some of the city’s most tantalizing controversies. It’s a hard job, but someone has to do it.

Before heading to the Progress, I stop by a boba joint in the Sunset. If you aren’t a keen observer of the city’s political scandals, you may dismiss the spot as a sleepy milk tea shop in an even sleepier neighborhood. 

Today, Quickly on Irving Street is filled with teenagers grabbing a bite after school. I order a decaf rose tea with boba and sit, reading about how this place was involved in an FBI investigation.

A 2007 article by the Examiner reads like a comedy skit. The abridged version is that Quickly on Irving Street was in a war with a business next door. Supervisor Ed Jew — who was tapped with the nickname “Tapioca Ed” — demanded tens of thousands of dollars from both spots. Somehow, the FBI got wind, and Jew was charged with mail fraud, bribery, and extortion. In 2009, he was sentenced to prison.

It wasn’t the last time the feds nabbed a San Francisco politician. 

Less than a decade after our beloved boba supervisor was locked up, an undercover FBI agent sat across the table from former state Sen. Leland Yee for dinner at Waterbar, the stylish seafood spot next to the Bay Bridge. 

As part of my tour,  I order an $18 vodka cocktail and sourdough bread (with nice chunks of Maldon sea salt atop the butter), imagining Yee staring blissfully at the restaurant’s impressive aquarium. 

Things quickly went underwater for the state senator, who represented parts of San Francisco and was once a city supervisor. Yee was charged and convicted on a bevy of crimes in 2014. In keeping with the seafood theme, he got the infamous Chinatown gangster “Shrimp Boy” arrested too. 

If you thought Waterbar was bougie, wait until you enter Harris’ Restaurant. You’ll pass large pieces of beef in the windows before entering golden doors at this uber-fancy steakhouse on Van Ness Avenue.

The place feels like the setting for a movie about a political scandal. As servers dish out prime rib and creamed spinach, I confirm that the plush, leather-bound booths are as comfortable as they look.

The bar has a similar backroom-deal vibe — it’s the wood paneling, lazy fans twirling, and dim lighting.

A perfect fit for disgraced former Public Works director Mohammed Nuru, who took part in a $1,182 meal at Harris’, paid for by a Recology executive. Investigators discovered the dinner as part of a sprawling corruption scandal that shocked City Hall in 2020. 

I count myself as frugal, ordering a dirty martini and a $27 plate of prawns. I haven’t seen a receipt of Nuru’s meal, but I’m guessing someone ordered the $280 wagyu.

Not all scandals involve such glamour. At Fisherman’s Wharf, the owners of tourist-filled Nick’s Lighthouse, Min “James” Paik and Hye Paik were charged in 2023 with two counts of bribery.

The couple allegedly offered money to a Port of San Francisco employee to secure a lucrative waterfront lease — and the restaurant could be shut down due to the charges. 

It wouldn’t be a visit to the wharf without a $17 clam chowder bread bowl, washed down with a $4 Sprite.

As I sit outdoors, a pushy server asks a passing couple if they want to come in, but the two decline. “Are you suuuuuuuure?” the server asks coyly. Maybe the folks implicated in scandals could learn something from these tourists: When things sound too good to be true, just walk away.