Unless you’re one of those San Franciscans who simply do not care about Tuesday’s election, it’s likely that your quietly simmering anxiety has now reached a fever pitch.
Thankfully, there’s a San Francisco bar for every kind of election night emotion you might be feeling. There are festive spots where you can watch the returns come in over a glass of bubbly, and there are subterranean watering holes where you’ve got no chance of catching enough service to connect to the news.
Here are 15 San Francisco bars to help you make it through election night, no matter what future the results may bring.
Where to celebrate a historic win
If your chosen candidate wins every swing state in a 300-plus electoral vote blowout, you’re going to want to gaze upon the city from its highest bar and sigh with relief. Cityscape, the newly remodeled space on the 46th floor of the Hilton San Francisco Union Square, offers a goddess-filled interior, celestial cocktails, and celebratory vibes for days. The $25 Stardust, served DIY-style in a footed “chambong,” may be particularly suited to the moment.
Runners-up:
- For a maximally luxurious triumph, look to the champagne cart at Holbrook House, the marbled space inside the Conservatory at 1 Sansome St. They’ll be wheeling around flights of bubbly ($25-$60 for three pours).
- And if you want to experience the sweetness of victory by watching the returns on ABC, CNN, and MSNBC all at once, consider Midnight Sun, a friendly Castro video bar with numerous TVs that normally play pop-diva music videos. Bonus: If Harris does beat Trump, the neighborhood will likely erupt into a raucous street party.
Where to drown your sorrows if things go south
If things are looking bleak for your mayoral or presidential candidate, head to El Rio. The tried-and-true Mission-Bernal bar that bills itself as “your dive” is hosting an election night party that promises food and music from 5 p.m. onward, with election returns starting at 8 p.m. To earn a free drink, bring proof that you voted, and hug it out with your friends while DJ Stanley Frank spins.
Runners-up:
- Divisadero’s beloved Madrone Art Bar hosted a Harris-Trump debate watch party in September, and it’ll likely be filled with hardcore progressives hoping for camaraderie tonight.
- Or consider drowning your electoral sorrows at Cafe Balboa, the 110-year-old Cow Hollow bar that helped propel Gavin Newsom from district supervisor to governor.
Where to find some fun distraction
The Mission’s Holey Moley, which took over from its predecessor Urban Putt this summer, offers 18 themed holes of welcome distraction in the form of miniature golf, plus inventive cocktails served in ceramic unicorns or little bathtubs — rubber duckies and all. By the time you’re putting on the lunar surface, you won’t even remember that Trump digital trading cards were ever a thing.
Runners-up:
- No tiki joint delivers visual stimulation and rarefied drinks quite like Smugglers Cove, the best place in the Bay Area to nerd out on obscure rums. A cocktail or two at this Hayes Valley bar will transport you to the South Pacific in no time.
- If some fun and games are the cure to what ails you, try the carnival-themed Thriller Social Club, a SoMa arcade bar where you can let loose your inner child.
Where to avoid election angst altogether
The vibes are always immaculate at Mission District wine bar El Chato, where stylish European expats rub elbows with local oenophiles, inevitably drawn to the Spanish-heavy list of wines by the glass and bottle. There are chatos, or half-glasses, but if you aim to drown out the election noise entirely, opt for a porron, a $20 bartender’s-choice selection that can be drained directly (and dramatically) down your throat.
Runners up:
- Charmingly old-school tiki bar Trad’r Sam offers escapism at its finest. Order a mai tai and let a generous pour of rum and a tiny umbrella sweep you away to somewhere serene.
- Meanwhile, stepping into Stookey’s Club Moderne, an art deco speakeasy-inspired bar, is like taking a step back in time, ideally a time before election season.
Where to create a personal media blackout
“We kindly ask that you limit phone usage so as not to detract from the overall experience,” reads Left Door’s website, meaning you’re unlikely to have your peace disturbed at this swanky new Union Street bar. Located in a luxuriously appointed space above its sister bar, Bus Stop, Left Door has six different styles of martinis, including a classic vodka version, and a gin Gibson garnished with absinthe-infused pearl onions, perfect for drowning your angst.
Runners-up:
- The house rules at Bourbon & Branch, a Prohibtion-themed bar in the Tenderloin, are clear: No cellphone usage. That makes this an ideal spot to tune out for the evening while enjoying a classic whiskey-based cocktail.
- Meanwhile, at the subterranean Li Po Cocktail Lounge, there’s zero service once you get downstairs. The only drink worth ordering is, of course, the Chinese mai tai, a powerful concoction made with Chinese wine.